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All's business. It's a real drag. Every asshole with a

bucking of hard on is in orbit tonight. And if I don't get some uppers,

I'll go apeshit. Everything is ready, my darling.

Do not be afraid. Soon we'll be together

This sandwich tastes as dry as hell.

Hello and welcome to hello, this is the Doomed show. I am Richard,

folks. I am temporarily Richard

of the night because I am hosting Katie

of the night. Hello. Hi. Thanks for having me.

Oh man, we had to have you back after our wonderful

Vengeance of the zombies. Now we're going

to talk about the French. The French Paul

Mashy named Carol Bouquet, which if you're

a British comedy fan, we'll call her Carol Bucket.

That's a, that's a shout out to Simon right there, right off the top.

But no, we're going to talk about Mystere or dagger

eyes from 1983. And you're

not seeing this, folks, because you're not on camera. I'm going to show Katie my

drawing of Dagger Eyes here. That's. Oh,

that looks so good. You should put that on the fridge.

When I was 10, my mom said, oh honey, you draw so good for a

10 year old. And then I was 15, she said, oh honey, you draw so

good for a 10 year old. No, I quit drawing. It's fine.

So Mystere is from the master of a very specific type

of film named Carlo Venzina.

He is the director of Nothing Underneath.

And he also did a movie that I've

told Jeffrey we have to cover one day called Squelo aka Call Girl

from 1996. And it's basically this movie again. I've seen

the poster. Oh, it's one of the worst gialli.

It's real bad. And it's big budget too. That's the funny part. It's a huge

budget and it's terrible. But he would return to

the giallo with the last fashion show in 2011, which I've still

never seen. And someone made a sequel in name only

to Nothing Underneath called Too Beautiful to Die,

which I heartily recommend if you want to watch a music video style giallo.

It's beautiful. Yes. So good. And of

course, Nothing Underneath has some psychic overtones that are just wonderful.

I love that movie. But first things first, we're going to spoil

this, this beautiful movie.

So it's a giallo and we don't want to spoil

the thrills, chills and kills,

especially not with the freaking predictable movie we're about to talk

about. But First, a message from our sponsor, folks, are you tired of

not reading my voice in your head? We'll get Giallo Meltdown

too. It's where I watch movies like Mystere and all these

other things. So if you want a quieter version of me and my opinions,

read a book. Amazon.com Giallo Meltdown 2 thank

you. And now we're back from the commercial.

And now we're going to play the Italian TV trailer

for Mystere. This is a 40 second, ish thing I found.

Go.

All right, so, Katie, you told me there's an English dub

to this movie, right? Yes. And the movie was shot

in English because they wanted it to feel American.

Oh, it feels American. Yeah. Well, it drives

me nuts. Is because I swear I had a version,

a bootleg, you know, totally legally acquired

film. And I remember the dub, but then when

I found the movie again, because of course, I'm behind on

the Forgotten Giali box sets again, I just have

access to a subtitle version, so. Because, you know, I hate that the English was

fun. See, that's what I want. Like, I am not afraid of

subtitles, obviously. I mean, look at me. People at home with no video

to speak of. Look at me. I'm a nerd.

So I love reading. But, man, these English dubs

are the literal best. I know. And I was just saying when I was

talking about Forgotten Jolly. One of the. One of the films

in that set is Sweets from a Stranger. Oh,

yeah. Did not have an English dub, so I was reading subtitles,

but it was inconvenient because everybody on the screen was so beautiful,

but I couldn't look at them because I had to be down there reading the

words. You know, that's a weird movie. But let

me. Let me find something special here on the virtual space called Electronic

Bay. This is the. This is the ebay system. I found

the VHS tape for Dagger Eyes, AKA Mystere,

where I'm going to read this plot from. This is the crappiest

looking cover. I'm going to send this to you in an

Instagram right now so you can see how beautiful this.

80. They want 80 for this VHS tape. Wow.

Oh. Free shipping. Okay. Whoa. I take it back.

They're so generous. Damn. So, yes,

here, Katie, I'm sending you the. The beautiful cover here. It's pretty

sick. It says,

a gripping espionage thriller, Flash fun

and fantasy. Says Variety.

It's not even the color of that dress. They recolored it. Boy.

Boy, it's. It's. It's probably faded, right yeah, they. They tried.

Okay, here's the plot on the back of this beautiful Vista home video VHS

tape. Espionage, murder and suspense fill the screen

in this gripping thriller. In the midst of this web of intrigue is

the seductive mystere, the beautiful and mysterious face behind

the dagger eyes not featured in this

film. An important Ms. Cuckoo. An important foreign

diplomat is gunned down as he rides in an open car procession in

Rome. A photographer captures the killer's face on film.

Now the mastermind behind the assassination will stop at

nothing to find and destroy the incriminating evidence. This is long.

The plot takes a unique but extremely dangerous

turn. The suspense builds as friends become foe.

Sure. And it's every man or woman for him

or herself. 84 man.

I don't know why they had to write so much plot for this. They didn't

even mention Hong Kong. Come on. I liked

your reading voice, though. That was nice. Thank you. I'm really inconsistent. I need to

practice that. Yeah. There's no dagger eyes in this movie. I would love that.

If my picture came to life. He drew eyes

with daggers coming out of them. It was conceptual.

Yeah, sure. I love it. See?

What else do we do on this show? Oh, yeah. So some main characters

we got here. We got Mystere, played by the Carol Bucket.

We've got Inspector Colt. This guy.

This is Phil Cocchi. Oh, boy.

Coccioletti. He's that Italian guy who

was born in Greensburg, Pennsylvania.

I mean, bless his heart. Yes,

his name is Colt in the movie. I love it. Did I mention that

Carol Bouquet is a Bond girl? Probably didn't.

You did not mention that. But yeah, she was in you only. Oh,

excuse me. For your. For your. So great.

I'm so bad at Bond stuff. For your eyes only. Yes. For your

eyes only or for your Eyes Only. Live Twice or

something. Oh. Oh. The most important person

for me in this movie. I know Katie has a. Haiti has

a favorite coming up. John Steiner is in this.

I love him too, though. Oh, my God, dude, he's so great.

He was in everything from Tenebrae to I

Don't Want to Be Born, the Joan Collins movie where

she has the spirit of a little person inhabiting her unborn

child. But yes, I love him. We also have Duilio

del Prete as Captain Levi. He's Colt's boss and he's terrible.

Not the actor, the character. John Steiner is Ivanov,

the Russian assassin. But tell me,

tell me about this tinty boy. We have Gabrielle

Tinty looking like a completely different version of himself.

Oh, My God. I don't know.

What is it? Because his hair is slicked back. I don't know what's going on.

But he looks classy. He is a.

He's great in this movie. And I was. I was almost gonna cut and not

even talk about him because his character. If you just took what

he does in this movie out, it would not

change the movie at all. Like, he's a jerk. And then she

outsmarts him and it. Then that's it.

Like. And then people sing Happy Birthday to him.

I love it. And give him a coat. Dude. And his name

is Mink in. In the IMDb and then they give him a mink.

It's too on the nose. Too on the nose. But I liked it.

And the other person I want to mention is one of my favorites is Janet

Ain. Hello. This is the Doomed show. She has

been on many times. I mean, she's not returning our calls. But she's

been in so many great movies that we've talked about on this show.

Like, what was the one movie we talked about her? Oh,

yeah. City Living Dead. Sure. There you go. I just saw

her recently in Hands of Steel. I'd never seen Hands of Steel before. It's crazy.

Is she in Cannibal Fox? Oh,

yeah, yeah. I. I have to remind myself I've

seen those because they're so out of my style now.

Eaten alive, maybe. That's what I was thinking.

Yeah. It's one of those Cannibal movies, you know. I made some bad memories

with her. That's all I remember. I. I do like her. She was

in Rat man, which also has some animal violence too. And you're like,

guys, come on, be nice to the rats. I don't even like

rats, but like, be nice to them. God. She plays Pamela,

her friend, who's gonna up everything and get a bunch of people killed. Thanks,

Pamela. And yeah, we'll. If anybody

else comes up, we'll talk about him. This movie starts with the

Prologo. Everyone loves a Prologo.

And at this, this Prologo, this dude who's

a foreign dignitary, an American dignitaries cruising down the street,

JFK style, he gets shot. And there's a sleazy

photographer here named Reinhardt. He photographs

the shooting. But then he whips his camera at

the building and gets a beautiful picture of John Steiner shooting

people shooting this. This foreign dignitary, which I just make a print

and frame it. I wouldn't try to like blackmail anybody. I know

he really wasn't trying to be Sneaky, though. No, he was like,

dude, put a mask on. What are you doing? He's probably hanging out of the

window doing it. Yep. You know, it's like,

I had no thought there. I don't know.

I'll cut that. We're doing great. Let me tell you something, Katie.

And then I have no. I have no idea how to do. So we meet

our beautiful myst at the airport.

Her theme song is so badass.

Come to me. This isn't just

a figment of your fantasy.

I love it. I'm singing it all the time, dude. The music

in this movie is by Armando Trava Jolie

or Trova Jolly. I don't know how to say his name.

I love this guy's work. It's usually bombastic and over

the top. And it's. He did the music for Shadows in an empty room

from 1976, which is the fake Clint Eastwood

Magnum force ripoff Giallo, which is wonderful.

But, yes, the music is fantastic in this movie. I really like it.

We get to see her at the airport. She picks up her guitar pedal board

case. That's a little joke for guitar pedal

enthusiasts out there. But she goes home to where her cat.

Topical. We got cats here. She goes home

to this cute, cute cat. That's her bud. But she

goes through her entire routine. We get to see what makes mystere

so mysterious. And Katie, what is

up with this freaking routine she does? This is, like, full on.

She's training for battle. Well, I just want

to say you're really good at pronouncing her name because I feel like I can't.

The only thing that comes out of my mouth is mysterious.

There's no wrong ways.

She does her brows, she does her lips,

she does her nails and everything. Every little detail is important.

And if you like fashion and if you like makeup,

you're just gonna enjoy all the sights to be seen.

Mystere is very fashionable.

Yep. Even. She even puts on her pink leotard and

starts kicking it old school. Oh, yeah. She does some aerobics. I guess it's

more like jazz or. I don't know. Oh, man.

I'm guessing she's a dancer, like the actor. Maybe everyone in France is just

a dancer. I don't know. She definitely seems like a dancer. She probably

has some, like, wonderful theories about the

eroticism of dance or something. Like the character miss there. But also

maybe the actress has those kinds of thoughts too. I don't know. She goes

to work and we get. Oh, oh, I. I almost

forgot how Crazy. Her apartment is. Oh my God. Oh yeah. Her apartment

has the craziest, scariest jump scare in it.

So she's got vertical lines painted on the

walls that look like blinds that are like open at night.

And you're like, oh, that's a little strange. But then on one part of it,

it's being like pulled down and there's a crazy eyed

maniac watching. So she's got like this pop art. In her

apartment keeping Tom Murrell. What?

Okay, listen. Terrifying. I watched an entire

interview with the set designer of this movie.

Did the peeping Tom mural come up? No,

that's wrong. Vinegar syndrome. Fix it. We need replacement

discs. But I think,

like, I'm not sure what that is supposed to

represent or communicate and communicates. She's got a terrible

designer making her. It's like, it's not giving like girl

power. It's not giving sexy. I don't know what it's giving.

She goes to work and we get to see all the high class sex

workers. This, this is not a hooker bonfire

situation where the, where the hookers all gather around a big

old drum that's full of wood burning and they're trying to

stay warm on a cold night by the highway. No, because this is the 80s

now. Yeah. Dud, dude. This is like the, the Pretty woman,

the cinematic universe of Italy.

It's wonderful. I love this. This is so great. And yeah,

she's talking shop with her pals and her and Pamela

end up propositioned for the night. The two of

them for one guy. I believe they call it a menage of

three. They go. And of course, it's our sleazy photographer,

man. I wanted him to be a nice guy.

Like he's. He's a. He's a slob. Which is the nicest way to put

it. She says something fun. What's that? He was

no fun. No. As soon as he is over with his sexy

time with them, then he gets really mean and shitty. Like, man, you be

nice. I'm. I'm disgusting and grotesque. I have

to be nice all the time.

Fair. Oh my God. Phone call. Hang up on you.

Is that a landline? Come on, I'm 60 years old.

Help me. Oh, I forgot to ask you. What, what does.

What terminology are we going to be using for the. The ladies of the night?

I'm just. I'm going with sex workers. So. You already said hooker.

When did I say hooker?

Dude, I can't even. I can't. Folks at home, I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep

up with the parlance of the time. Sex work is work. Y' all saying it

now. We'll go with sex workers. Thank you. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna be better.

I, I. Like I said, I just turned 65 years old.

It's hard to remember stuff. All right, I guess I'm petting this cat.

It's getting distracting. Jeez. Take my leave of you. Go. Bye.

Bye. So while they're pleasuring this wonderful gentleman,

her pal Pamela sneaks in the other room and starts stealing shit immediately

going through his pockets. She steals the McGuffin of the movie,

aka this, this shitty lighter that has the

film, the originals of this assassination,

hidden inside, which I. That's not film preservation. I would

think Vinegar syndrome would have a problem with putting out a film.

That teaches you that storing your film inside a lighter is safe.

I'm loving dudes. What happens next. So after they leave

with the lighter, Mr. Wingtips shows up.

He's our assassin for the movie. He's got beautiful wingtip shoes.

I owned a pair of Doc Martens that looked like that,

and they were too much. They were too much.

It was a lot. Plus, I have, like, size 13ft. So those

shoes would arrive 20 minutes before I would. Because my feet

are so long. I was calling him Mr. Kane in my notes. Mr.

Kane, but also Mr. Penguin. I don't know why I was calling him Mr.

Penguin. Well, he's got cane. Yeah. If it was an umbrella,

then he would be spot on right there. Yeah.

He kills him with his cane knife. He's got a cane. His little knife that

shoots out the end and he stabs him. This would be a nice double feature

with the killer what carries a cane or whatever.

Yeah, Death carries a cane. Death carries a cane. Now that is

a freaking forgotten. Giali said I had to get that.

I have, because I love Death carries a cane. That's great.

It's got that girl doing that whole ballerina sequence when

she's got that glitter, just glitter all over her,

and it looks really uncomfortable. Like, oh, my God, hose her

down, people. So, of course, her pal gets gotten.

She gets killed for. For not having the lighter. She hid

it in Mystere's purse. Amazing. The most

important character in his own mind and in this movie shows up

to talk to our grieving Ms. Dare.

Tell us about Colt, Katie. What's. What's.

What's this guy's deal? Colt is an American homicide

detective who decided to come to Rome.

When asked why, he says, I'd like the food.

He's got so many terrible wise cracks.

He is insufferable. I don't

even know how to describe him. He's extremely

unprofessional. Immediately unlikable.

Yep, yep. Starts trying to get info out of

Mystere. Mystere? Am I. How do you say it? You're saying it

right. Mystere is right. I'm not going to question you. And he's like,

I bet you don't like cops, do you? And she's

like, I'm not gonna. I don't know anything. And even if I did, I wouldn't

tell you. And then he slaps her and she falls onto the bed.

But then she gets up and just looks pretty unbothered.

She just got slapped. She's a cool character in this movie. Yes. She doesn't

give a fuck. I love it. What else. What else do we

need to say about Colt? He's going to be our secondary character here, and he

is not a nice guy. Yeah, he. He says

to her, don't worry, you're not my type. I like exotic women.

And it's like. So we find out later, you know, he has a black girlfriend.

And I'm sorry for her that. That she can't do better than Cole.

This girl so bad.

I'm really curious about the. The American version. I might have some

questions if you remember some of the. The dialogue. There's a.

There's this. There's a line earlier when they're talking to. To good old Reinhardt.

She's mysterious. Says to him, delusions at

three in the morning can cause insomnia. She says that to Reinhardt?

Yeah, in the. In the Italian version with the maybe translated

properly subtitles. I have no idea. Was it

like at the beginning or at the end of their session when. She and Pamela

are at his door? That's what she says to. That's definitely

not what they say in the American version. Damn, I love it. They're probably just

saying something about, like, so who is this? Like, who is this guy? Or how

much did he say? Hey, we're gonna blow you?

That's what she said. Maybe I just adore French girls.

Fantastic arctics at 3 o'

clock in the morning can give you insomnia. No, it's. It's a very

strange line. I'm sure. I have a totally different version. I'm wondering if, like.

Because my copy is 82 minutes,

I wonder if I even have a shorter version than what's on the.

Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna be one of those pal to NTSC

conversion things where it's the same length of movie,

but the different versions play slightly faster than

the other. So I have an 82 minute version, but then it's listed as 84.

I don't know. They cut the most important line, which is delusions

at three in the morning can cause insomnia.

Wouldn't it be insomnia at three in the morning can cause delusions?

Hey, see, you're making sense of this movie. I like it.

So of course Mr. Colt offers to protect

her and she's like, now you literally just hit me in the face. No thanks.

Listen, you bitch, you start talking or I'm gonna have your ass thrown

behind bars. Look, I know the story that jazz about

the cop in the hall, him flinging her naked on the bed. Hey, come on,

get on with it. Then afterwards we can forget all about it.

Not with me. I only like exotic chicks,

a little brown sugar. You see, white girls

bore me. And another thing, I don't have to do this job to

get laid. But she is immediately in danger that night when

Mr. Kane, aka the Penguin,

aka oh wait, what did I call him? Mr.

Wingtips. Mr. Wingtips comes to kill her and

she fights him off with a bullwhip. I will say some

things about this movie at the end, but I really like the suspense stuff.

Carlo Venzina, the director, he can do some suspenseful stuff

and I. I love her just taking that bullwhip and like knocking

the freaking flashlight out of that dude's hand is beautiful. Yeah,

that was very resourceful. She whipped it and she whipped

it good. Then Mystere, needing protection now,

goes to Colt's awful tiny apartment where he has.

Got a boy room. Is that what they call it?

I think so. Oh, it was horrible.

You can smell it. You can smell it on the freaking movie. It's so.

I mean, that tells me all I need to know about that man. My suspicions

were correct. The most terrifying thing,

aside from like how dirty the place is, he's got a mannequin with

sunglasses and a hat and another gun. His backup service gun

is. Is just this. Mannequins watching him sleep with

a gun. You're not supposed to have a mannequin watching you sleep.

Unless you're into that. That is not feng shui. I'm pretty sure.

My favorite thing when he picks her up to take her to his

place is he asks her, do you do it for the money?

And she gives him a look and doesn't Say a word.

Like, I'm not dignifying that with a response. Asshole. He is so

jealous. Men are so jealous.

They can't make money doing that. No, you got to

work really hard as a guy. Like, I have.

I. I have, like, a male stripper body, but I

hide it away under pounds and pounds of sugary fat.

What's I talking about? So. Yes. Do you do it for

the money? Come on, dude. And he's also like, how much do you

make in a day? And she's like, a lot.

You want receipts? What do you want? Mind your own business.

Like, he wants to find out how pathetic he's getting paid. That's what

he's. Yeah. He's like, oh, man, I should be. I should be a sex worker.

See, I said sex worker. Good job. Thank you. So does

she call his girlfriend Diana Ross in the American version?

Yeah. That is weird. Ms. Dare. That's the one thing

I don't like that she does. I'm like. And later on in the movie,

she calls her Aretha Franklin.

I know about these two black people.

I don't know if this is because these writer brothers were also

comedians. Oh, they're funny. That's funny.

But, yeah. I'm gonna

die. Well, okay, let me. Let's. Let's talk about this for a second,

because Mysterious is not a girl's girl.

And there are a couple times in this movie where if she would

just get along with Martha, for example,

things could have gone better. Yeah, they could have teamed up

and taken out these dumbass men. But she's not

out here trying to make friends. No,

but we should talk about her. This actress is

Maria Briscoe. She's the one who plays Martha, and I

don't remember her from a movie I've never seen before.

She seems American. Oh, well, maybe that

was her voice actor. I don't know. Maybe that was her voice actor. I'm confused.

The year before this, there's an Italian film called beyond the Door,

which sounded so much like a horror film, I assumed it

was either, like a combination of beyond the Darkness or something.

Door. Yeah. No, some rando drama that she was in. Another title

is Beyond Obsession. Oh, it has Eleonora Georgie in it.

I can't say her name. I'm sorry. You nailed it. That's literally how

she says it. Okay, so while he's getting kicked off

the case, our pal Mystere is being chased down

through the streets. What is this chase all about? Okay, so she.

First, she's on the train, and she Notices this dude is staring at her intensely.

And she's like, okay. And she

tries to ignore him. And she gets off the train and he's still staring at

her. And he's following her. And he starts following her closer and closer.

And she's clearly like looking at him like, please leave me

alone. And he doesn't. So then she starts running. And then he starts

running and I'm like, who is this dude? And then they get to

the top of the stairs or the escalator or something, and he catches up

to her and she just whips out a gun and points it at him.

Well, it turns out he's like, hey, Mysterious,

it's me, Pamela's brother. And she's like, oh,

hey, how's it going? But I'm like.

They catch up. That's not how you say hello to

someone that you see on the train. Yeah, it's so weird.

I love that he just wants to catch up with her, you know?

Remember that girl I was hanging out with? I married that girl. It was

very strange. My favorite thing, as I wrote in my notes that

he's on his way to his audition for the Strokes because.

Because he looks like he'd be in the band the Strokes.

That's my joke. Yeah, I. I just.

I love this part. His speaking of, like, characters that have a

scene but we're not going to see later. I really wonder if this was

longer. Like, does her pimp mink?

Does he come back later? Does Pamela's brother do something later?

Did I miss something? I don't know. It's admittedly

not the best story. No. Her pimp

tries to extort rent out of her,

which he wasn't officially her pimp. I don't understand. But she sleeps

with him instead of paying him a thousand dollars. And he accepts this

as, you know, payment. And she says in

the Italian version, you know, making love to you

is like drinking from a paper cup.

Is that all? I think she said that it was tasteless,

but if you leave off the tasteless part, it makes it really weird.

So I just leave it at that. Well, I'll tell you what she said in

the English version. Ooh. She said,

I often wondered what kind of a lover you'd make.

I know the end.

Minky stinks like a mink.

Smells like an old mink coat rotting away in the freaking

closet. I have in my notes Colt with the

nunchucks. LOL.

Anyway. Just like a 13 year old boy in his bedroom.

Dude. Yes, indeed.

That stinky freaking room smells like Feet and ass in there.

So what happens when his. His boss comes

to reveal that he's Mr.

Kane's sword? What happens in the bathroom?

In case you didn't already deduce it the moment

you laid eyes on Colt's boss,

who looks like the most sinister man you could imagine,

Colt's boss is the mister.

Is Mr. Kane. Mr. Wingtips. So he

comes knocking on Colt's door because he had seen Colt

with the lighter earlier. He knew that Colt had the lighter.

So he comes knocking on the door saying, I'm here for the lighter.

He's got his gun pointed at Colt and everything.

So what I was thinking in my head was, Colt could have just

handed the lighter over, and then Mr. Kane could have

just left, and that could have been the end of it, right. Right there.

But I think that since cult

knew that Mr. Kane was also trying to kill people and

he had killed Mystere, I guess that was just too much against

him. So Mr. Kane is like, I'm gonna kill you.

Let's go to the bathroom. So at

gunpoint, he makes Cult go draw his own bath of death.

And then he's like, take off your clothes. Get in that bathtub.

And then he plugs in a razor. Like, Is that

what you call it? Yeah, an electric razor. Thank you.

Okay. An electric razor. He talks about how the pain is.

Or the death is quick and painless or something. When he drops

this razor into the bathtub. What's happening outside, you might ask?

Mystere is trying to get into the apartment,

and then Martha comes up, and she's like, you have got to be

kidding me. And so, okay,

Mysterious. Literally trying to save Colt's life,

right? But she is so distracted by the. The hatred

she has for Martha that she turns around, like, crosses her arms,

and just, like, gives her the stink eye. And then Martha's like,

don't even bother. Here, have. Have the keys. And she just, like, throws her the

keys to the apartment so that Mysterious can get in. But you know what I

was thinking right here, right here, Mysteria could have been like, I need your help.

Colt is in trouble. Do you have a way to get in this apartment?

And they could have teamed up and gone in there together. Let's put our differences

aside. My bad. I don't actually like your

jackass boyfriend, but we'll find out that isn't true later.

But, like, yeah, so she has to learn to work

with people to get what she wants, man. Anyway,

Mysterious gets in there and saves the day. Long story short,

Mr. Kane ends up getting electrocuted in the bathtub instead.

Yay. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so funny that

the shot of him floating lifelessly in the water with

the. The razor dangling right by.

I want, like, I really want to know this science question.

I guess when I was a kid, I always figured that if you throw an

electronic into the tub, that you'd see lightning.

Sure. But, yeah, I don't think you see lightning.

I think it shorts out the lights. I think

there's safety catches now so that it's not like the olden

days when, you know, people ran electricity next to

the water. The old crappy cloth wiring would

be exposed and water would splash on it. And then the neighbors

would smell your burning corpse from your bathtub. Yeah.

And, like, do you really, like, twitch around like that

when you're getting electrocuted in the bathtub? I'm sure there's

a YouTuber, some famous YouTuber who's like, I'm gonna

try to electrocute my girlfriend, bro. Crazy prank.

LOL. No, I. Clickbait.

I've never seen YouTube. I don't know what's on it now. The movie gets complicated

as we go, and we're fast forwarding here, folks, because there's

so much this. We're trying to get through this plot without doing the whole thing,

because, man, even for a movie as short as this, it covers a lot of

ground. But basically, from this point, the Jalo is over.

Yep, that's it. We know who the killer is. Let's get to the.

The McGuffin intrigue. Back and forth,

car chases. Mr. Ivanov,

our assassin. He's trying to get Colt and Mystere,

and he gets blackmailed out of a million dollars by

Colt to trade for the photographs for the negatives.

There's a great moment where Colt and Mystere

are riding in the car together, and they're doing that. The rear projection thing where

they're pretending to drive, and it's just. They're projecting

the road going by in the background for their important conversation. All of

a sudden, this. They haven't slept together yet, but there's

this tension between our main characters. Will they? Won't they?

They shouldn't. But will they? Won't they? And they're gonna

run away with this million dollars together. But Colt, being cult,

totally easily fools Mystere and just runs

off to Hong Kong. Leaving her at the airport.

And he boards the plane with all the money, and he.

And he calls her. He calls her at

customs. Like, by the way, it ain't going to work out. See you.

I'm taking all the money. We see him in Hong Kong, you know,

living the flashy lifestyle. I like to assume that he's only been

there for like four hours and

he set up in a hotel and he's. He's picking girls from a

pimp there for his. His fun night. But of course he wants the

bus girl, not one of the actual sex workers.

And of course the pimp's like, oh, that can be arranged. And I was like,

yeah, that can be arranged. Because the girl who's cleaning the table over there,

she is excited. She's like, whoa, Colt, that's my cup of tea.

At least she was consenting. That's right. And he didn't hit her yet

or anything. What a great guy. What a wonderful gentleman he is. Yeah,

she'll find out the baggage that he brings later. But of course, who shows up

at his hotel door but Mystere? And instead

of killing him and taking the money because she does have a gun.

Point at him. Yep, she has the upper hand.

They make love and then that's it. They're together now like,

like they cut back after them having sex.

You know what it was? She was so turned off by his bedroom

that just seeing him outside in another bedroom

that was clean, just like, oh, whoa, this dude. It changed everything.

Yeah, this room smells fresh.

Beautiful. So they make love and then they're all

lovey dovey, holding each other and talking about the future or some.

And Mr. Ivanov shows up as the. The bellboy

slash room service bringer guy. Was he just waiting

for them to order room service? Yeah. In your version,

what did Colt say when he placed the order? Oh, he ordered.

I know he ordered champagne and something

about Chinese food. I don't remember. They're like, what would you like to eat?

And he's like, I don't know, something Chinese. It's like,

okay, we'll bring you some dumplings, I guess.

Asshole. Idiot. See, that's the thing. I wouldn't.

I would go to Hong Kong and I would go through the

million dollars just eating. Like I'd

be staying in the finest hotels. Oh, man,

I'd be like, do y' all have like a museum for

Hong Kong? Like, can I meet Anthony Wong? I want to meet Stephen

Chow or something like that would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Like, is Anita Mui around?

Like, we. She doesn't want to talk to you, dude.

Anyway, so they kill. We get an

almost good dummy death. I wish the Dummy Death had been a little more fake

when. Right. It was, like, too good. Yeah. Ivanhoe gets

thrown out the window. Of course, we get some more nunchuckery from

Colt. Oh, yeah. It was a nunchuck versus knife.

Yeah. And, you know, I just. Oh, man. To the actor's

credit, he looks like he knows what he's doing with the nunchucks.

It's just such an obscenely dorky weapon that,

like, nobody looks cool doing it except Bruce Lee,

maybe. Maybe Sammo Hung could do it. But Sammo

Hung, everything he does is perfect. So. And finally,

they're on it. They're on a little boat together out in the bay there in

Hong Kong, and the Ivanov's

henchmen is in a helicopter going, hey, look, it's them.

Whoa. And I can't read his expression or what he's gonna do.

They just see them and leave. Oh, this is the beginning. Like,

this could have been mysterious part two. Yeah. Begins right here.

Because they were watching with binoculars.

They were locked in. And who knows where the story goes

after that? Will there be more betrayals? More blackmail?

I want to pretend that the secret sequel

to Mystere is Homicide in a

Blue Light, the movie I am trying to will into existence

on Blu Ray. It is with Florence Guerin

and David Hess. I want to say it's

like, maybe David Hess's last thing he did in Italy. I can't remember.

It is a perfect pairing with this, because Florence Guerin plays a

character very similar to Mystere. She's like a

hip, cool sex worker that's super, like, cold and, like,

has it together, but she gets embroiled in a very similar mystery

after someone close to her is killed. So come on, people.

That film will come. I swear, there's magic when you

start mentioning stuff like that on a. In a public space.

Yeah. It ends up coming forgotten Giali14

Finally. I mean, it's how we got obsession and taste for fear.

In Forgotten Jolly 7. I did that like my brain's exploding.

That we got that on Blu Ray. That's incredible. So there's a

Chinese proverb at the end of this movie on the Italian version.

Chinese proverb. And they show the Chinese and

then they show the Italian translation. And for whatever reason,

the subtitler is like, I'm not doing that. So I don't know what the proverb

is. At the end of this movie. It was like. It was like, those who

live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Oh, man. That ties it all together.

Damn. I. I feel like the movie just opened up to me,

like, oh, it. All makes sense now, man. I'm gonna start writing

my freaking. My. My own booklet for the movie to go

in my. My box set when I finally buy it.

Vinegar syndrome. You got me. How do you do it?

Room service. Yes, this is room 551. Yes.

What would you like? I don't know. Chinese specialties and

French champagne.

You treat yourself well. I'm a rich

man. I know.

Very rich.

Are you here for me or the money? You already

asked me once. What difference

does it make? A little bit about the.

Before we get to trivia, a little bit about the crew.

We talked about Armando Trava

Jolie, the. The composer. This was shot

by Giuseppe Makari, who worked

with our bud, Carlo Vanzina on.

On Nothing Underneath. And then he worked with

Argento on Two Evil Eyes. Hopefully he wasn't

present when they were strangling that damn cat in that movie. What the hell?

Don't like it. He was also. He shot something called chewing

gum from 1984, which I am. Cute title.

And it's one word. Chewing gum.

There. Oh, if this isn't porn, I don't know what

it is. It's a comedy romance.

Yep, yep, yep. Very exciting stuff. But let's see.

This was co. Written by. I believe it's Carlo Vanzina's

brother. Enrico. Yes, Enrico. They are brothers.

Oh, boy. They're. They're. They're a pair of problem children.

I love them. Oh. Their father was also a filmmaker, so.

Ah, Nepo babies. Yeah,

let's see how it is. But yeah, this is a very prolific screenwriter. This guy,

man, he's got 40. Oh, I'm sorry,

40. He has a hundred and eight screen credits.

Holy. What the. This guy liked

to work, folks. He wrote squelo, aka call girl,

so. Damn. That is a 3.1 on IMDb.

That's brutal. Oh, that is brutal. I thought

you meant on letterboxd where it's out of five.

3.1. I was like, oh, that's good. Oh, man. 3.1 out

of 10. Ouch. We'll see. I'll. I'll get Jeffrey

a copy of it and we'll freaking cover it on. Cover it on this here

show. It's gonna be great. Watch it. It's pretty bad.

Like I said, it's. It's. It's another Carlo Vanzina sexy

sex worker. G. And it's. It's just the same movie.

It's so cute. I love it. But that's like the main crew. I was paying

attention to was those guys. I heard there was a little trivia on that Blu

Ray from the extras. What do you got? Okay.

So I did. There is a whole interview with Carlo Vanzina.

Okay. Because I think his brother has passed away. But talked

a lot about, like, their filmmaking career and how they

really enjoyed genre films. But they most of the time were

doing comedy. But they liked. They liked when they were

able to do jalo films. They said

that Dagger Eyes. I mean, Mysterious.

He said that it did okay,

but it wasn't like a big success. But it wasn't a flop either.

He said that it helped lay the foundation so that they could then

make Nothing Underneath. Nice. So we

have Mysterious to thank for Nothing Underneath and for squelo,

I guess. Squillo. How do you say it?

I'm going with squelo. Squelo.

They said that they wanted the film to have

a hyper. Real tone, hyper realism,

and that female beauty was a main focus for

them. Oh, fun fact. They. The brothers who wrote

this, they did not like the ending of this movie. This is not how

they wanted it to end. Oh. But their producer wanted a happy

ending. Oh, okay. That's why it makes no freaking sense.

Oh, no. I wonder what their ending was. Like,

hopefully she came in there and killed his ass. Yeah, like they didn't.

Hopefully they didn't end up together at all. Or like the money was lost or

something. I mean, I don't want it to be super bad, like super

depressing where she dies. I just want Colt out of there.

How about she teams up with John Steiner?

Yeah. She's like, you know what? You need someone to lure all your

victims to an easier location so you don't have to work so hard. Dude.

He said the film got a second life when it started airing on

tv. It got a bit of a cult following. And he

suspects that maybe part of the reason why it didn't do so

well is because audiences were driven away by the coldness of

the film, which he says is intentional.

No. You know, what happened is they all went and saw Zeter freaking

Poopy Avati stole his freaking thunder, man. Same year.

Oh, I saw that. But it's been a little while at this point.

You gotta watch out for Poopy. I'm gonna give a little bit more.

Please keep going. I'm excited. So I watched the interview with production

designer Paola Comancini. Okay,

let me see more about her. She talked about the apartment.

Mysterious apartment. This was built on a soundstage.

Nice. Which is, I guess,

why? We never saw the outside of her house ever.

But I don't know. Like, I kept wanting to see the outside. I was like,

is this an apartment? Is this a house? What is this? Yep. She designed it.

She looked through magazines, and she wanted. She wanted the apartment to have an American

feel. Oh, man. So that's how she designed

it. And like I said, she did not mention the Peeping Tom mural.

The most expensive set piece

in the movie. Right. Most intriguing.

So the last little bit I want to share with you is from an actor

on the film named Greg Snagoff.

Greg Schneg off. Gregoff.

He played a. One of the cops. Yeah.

So this whole time I was watching this interview, I thought he was the guy

who played Colt. He's not.

Well, you know, all guys look the same. Some of these special

features, they'll, like, interview the most random people.

But anyway, so this dude is an American who came to Italy

to do some acting. Brightest things started to decline,

but he was taught. He was asked about Carol Bouquet. He said,

what was it like working with the. The. The leads or whatever. I forgot what

he said. And he was like, oh, the. The one lead. What's her name?

What's her name? And the interviewer is like, carol Bouquet. And he's like, yeah,

yeah. I'm like, what do you mean?

He was prepared for the interview. He said, she was divine to look

at, but I didn't find her attractive or want to be with her because she

was cold and aloof.

That's nice, dude.

I was like, you've got to be kidding me.

Oh, no, he wasn't kidding. Okay. And then he was asked,

how was it working with John Steiner? Greg replies, oh,

he was a friend. So the. The interviewer said,

john Steiner is a massive cult figure. And Greg said,

oh, really? And then the interviewer says, he died recently,

you know, in Florida. And what this man says,

Greg, snag off, says, well, that'll teach you not to live in

Florida.

That is it. That is a joke that he

should not have made. But also, they left

it in to. They shouldn't have left it in, but they left it in.

That sounds like you got. You got less information about the film

by watching that. Like, you now know less about this movie. You know

how sometimes you. You're nervous and you make a joke and you're like, I shouldn't

have said. That all the time. I feel like that's what happened right

there. Yep. But that's what I was

dying to tell you, and I couldn't Wait. Wow. Thank you. I couldn't wait to

share it. It was well worth it. That was well worth it.

Really, really mean. Wow. I have to

nerd out because aside from saying things he instantly regrets

in. In interviews, Gregory Snag off which

is the best name ever. Serious, serious anime voice

actor. He was. Pick any

80s anime, like English dub from the

80s, and he did all of them, like Golgo 13 and

Megazone 23 and Robotech and Wicked

City and my neighbor Totoro, like, just crazy.

He just did all of the freaking English dub.

He didn't talk about that in that interview. He's. Of course not,

because no one wants to hear about that. That's. This. My childhood coming

back to haunt me. But also, I still watch anime got

me kicked out of a certain group. No, I'm kidding.

I left no anime. No anime. Except when I

want to reference it. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna

reference anyone in particular. That's all my

trivia. Oh, that was wonderful. No one's new seeing on Pringles Light potato

chips. A lot of the fat you get in ordinary potato chips. No. What else?

You'll never miss it. Know what else is missing in

Pringles Light? A lot of the salt you get in mini ordinary chips.

You'll never miss it. You know what's not missing in Pringles Light?

Mmm, you guessed it. Pringles Light in the

silver can. Less fat, less salt, and so much flavor. You'll never

miss what's missing now that we have been snag offed.

Oh, my God.

Katie, how do you feel about Mystere,

AKA Dagger eyes? I thought it was really,

really likable. This is all about Carol Bouquet.

If you like to stare at beautiful female

characters, I think this one will work well for you.

The story is a bit weak. It was kind of

a satisfying giallo, except it never felt like a mystery. And then the

jallo half ends pretty quickly, and then it becomes this, like, spy movie.

Yeah, yeah. The story wasn't the best. I was not happy with

the ending, but I love the.

The atmosphere, the music, the.

The beautiful looks of the sex workers and the.

All the clothes and the makeup. So, like, as a girly

girl, I enjoyed this. Oh, can we say.

Can we say something that there's, like, no nudity in this movie?

That's one of my points. Yeah, man. This is the most tamest

movie about sex workers ever. There is, like, a brief

shot of Carol Bouquet's breasts

and very brief. Like, like. So why is it that we both. Noticed that

in a reflection because you expect a movie that's of

a trashy subject of a controversial

topic like this, that it would be, you know, this is not, this is like

the difference between sleazy and trashy. Like this is not

sleazy. But yes, because of the subject matter, this is trashy.

Yeah. I was like, oh boy, wait a second. We're not

going to see anyone do anything. Yeah. I'm. I'm pretty sure that

there's a lot more nudity and nothing. Nothing underneath. I'm pretty sure because

that's the title. There's. There's nothing underneath there. I don't

know how they got away with almost nudity. Free movie about sex workers and featuring

sex scenes. Right. I guess you could tell there was a lot of different

voices trying to dictate what was happening in this movie.

Yes. Like too many cooks in the kitchen. What we need

is, is the male, the male guys be naked.

Have all the men just be naked? Like. Yeah.

And men will get naked for no reason. I have friends I

have seen naked for no reason. And it's upsetting just because

I wasn't, you know, I wasn't requesting that. But in. I'm always happy to

point out to Lietta when there's male nudity in a movie like, hey, see,

I do that same thing. I'll be like, look at that, look at that man

butt crack. Look at that.

Ding a ling everybody. But yes, I really like mystere.

This is hard not to love. This is just so predictable.

Is the worst thing I can say about it. It's very slick,

very stylish. It's kind of trying to be naughty,

but in a childish way. It's kind of funny. So all

of the stuff where she's interacting with the Johns is very funny.

When. Whenever someone is having sex with

the stare, she looks like she's like

pretending to be dead. Yes. Because she's working

her magic, obviously. But.

They did kind of talk about that in the interview with Carlo saying

that they wanted her to be such a high class sex

worker that she didn't even really. I don't. Maybe the translation

was weird, but like she wasn't even like get giving sexy, you know,

it was almost like she's. As cold as ice cold.

Yeah, she was just cold. Yeah, you're so right.

The Hong Kong ending was wonderful for just, just that

it put the ending of the movie in a place I'm very comfortable

with. I love watching Hong Kong movies. So you know Colts,

master of the nunchuckery was pretty funny to me.

I just. I can't even. But yeah, the suspenseful stuff was good.

I think that's what Carlo Vanzina is good at. I think in all of the

movies of his I've seen when someone is in peril

being chased by the baddie, that. That's usually got some. Some nice

style to it. But, yeah, I still think.

I wish Florence Guerin was in this.

I liked. I like Carol Bouquet, but I just. I.

So it's so funny how similar Florence Guerin

acts when she's playing a character like this. It's very similar

in different films. So I always get mixed up. I'm just a big Florence

Guerin. Stan. This is my first time seeing Carol Bouquet, and I

loved her. Nice. Very nice.

Okay, so, Katie, before I let you run out of here screaming,

before I let you get back to doing your high kicks

and doing your eyebrows and my toe touches.

Yeah. Oh, man, that hurts. Just to watch someone else do

that. Okay, folks, don't get old,

you know, like, stay young forever, because I

started doing squats so that I'll maybe live a few more years.

And the most insulting thing about exercise when

you're getting older is you're not doing it to look better.

You're just doing it so you can keep moving throughout the day.

Like, the older you get, the less exercises

about anything other than not throwing your back out,

you know, picking up your cat or something. I don't know where I was going

with that. Before I let you go, Katie, tell me about a

recently seen and loved movie you've watched. It can be an

old favorite or it can be something that you just saw for the first time.

What do you got? Well, I've been watching lots of vampire stuff.

Yes. But I suppose most recently, which I

can discuss is I did a little Nosferatu crash

course, because I've never seen any of the Nosferatu

movies. Okay. I watched the 1922

one. Nice. I watched the 1979 one.

Oh, yeah. Which I loved. And then

I wouldn't watch that new one. Sure, sure.

Did you. Did you skip Nosferatu in Venice? I did.

Oh, you got to go back for that. I ran out of time.

That's a very special film. Very special.

Should I be scared? You will be.

It's. It's as good as late 80s Italian horror can be.

Oh, well, I kind of love that.

I think you'll. I think you'll dig it. And I'll throw out one more.

One more that I watched I'm ready. Found footage.

Vampire movie called the Black

water Vampire from 2014.

The Black Water Vampire is actually really good.

Even though it was blatantly ripping off other movies and

was, what one might say, way too formulaic.

I had a great time with it. Nice. It was really

fun. Cool. What about you? I got

lietta a bunch of maybe made for tv,

but I think primarily theatrically released

Agatha Christie adaptations. A few

obscure ones and then a few more popular ones. We haven't watched all

of them yet. Like, one of them was the Haunting in Venice that came out

recently. We were fans of that. But I

have finally found what I believe to be my favorite version of Murder

on the Orient Express. It is the 1974

version that is directed by Sidney Lumet,

or Lumet, depending on how you say that. I think I've

never said his name out loud before, but I'm very particular about my

Hercule Poirot. And I had never thought

of what would it be like if Albert Finney,

beloved actor, played Hercule Poirot. And he is weird

and perfect at it and he just becomes

Poirot. Now he's no David Suchet as Poirot,

which is my favorite, but he runs circles

around the rest of the cast. And we're talking Lauren Bacall,

Ingrid Bergman, Sean Connery, Martin Balsam,

John Gielgud, Jacqueline Bassett, Anthony Perkins.

This is not from memory, folks. I was about to say it's Vanessa.

Redgrave, Richard Widmark, Michael York, which Liette and

I were both like. Is Michael York just really weird looking? The answer

is yes, bless his heart. I can say that because I'm weird

looking. But folks, if you haven't seen the old

Murder on the Orient Express movie,

then I highly recommend the 1974 version.

Or just watch the other 25 versions of this a

lot. But yeah, when you said Albert Finney,

you. You triggered a core memory.

I was like Daddy Warbucks.

Daddy Warbucks? Is that who that is? Yep, yep.

And I just looked it up. Yeah,

I have seen a movie with that guy in it. Look at me. See,

Let me tell you something funny. So years before that

song from Annie, It's a Hard Knock Life got sampled. Your.

Your boy over here, Richard Glenn, Author of Giallo

Meltdown 2. As like an 8 year old child was borrowing

his mother's record player and scratching on it like those

rapper guys. And I was. I was literally scratching

the Annie record with It's a Hard Knock Life.

You got cheated. I know. Where's my royalties?

Bruh Dang man. That's all

right. I've. I've missed out on lots of opportunities,

folks. Selling. I'm selling my comic book collection. Here's the eBay.com

URL. Write this down. You're going to want to remember it. Moving sale.

Not not moving sale. Yeah, I'm just moving to a different part of

the room. Slowly pick up a cat. But dude,

thank you for being here again. You, you, you. You got burned the first time.

You learned your lesson and you came back. What were you thinking?

No, it was. You had fun. I had a great time.

Supreme fun. Katie of the night. That's a full quote.

She said I had supreme fun on. Hello,

this is the Something Something, I don't remember show. Yeah,

what's your name again? URL.org our

old nickname for the show was Jell o Giallo. Who moved the tombstone?

It's a little shout out to Brad. But yeah, for real. Thank you for being

here. You're always so nice to talk to. And you're cool.

You're cool too. I'm getting there.

Cool Kids club. I gave myself a cool haircut.

Oh boy. It's interesting.

Mother. Folks, on that

note, I'm gonna stop recording. Bye.

Folks. Thanks so much for listening to this episode.

If you'd like to write into the show, send an email to DoomedMoviethOnmail

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and you'll find the classic episodes of hello,

this is the Doomed Show. And if that's still not enough,

I have written some books, you know, about my love of movies.

Over on Amazon.com just look up Richard

Glenn Schmidt and you'll find Giallo A Moviethon Diary,

Giallo Meltdown 2 Cinema Somnambulist or

Doomed Movithon the book Hello, the this is the Doom

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