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The Podcast on Haunted Hill will contain spoilers and swearing.

I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.

I saw this when I come.

And be one of us.

Hello, and welcome to The Podcast on Haunted Hill, episode 168, my name is Gav.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Who's this?

Merry Christmas!

That's so exciting.

Gavin, you've been a very good boy this year.

Do you want to sit on my lap?

Oh, no, not really.

Tell me what you want from Christmas.

I think you've pissed yourself, so I'm definitely not sitting on your lap.

Christmas?

Um, um, I want a big wooden...

Ooh, ho, ho, ho, ho!...

box.

Oh, yes.

Mrs.

Claus has got a big wooden box.

Do you want to fill my sack?

This has just gone really bad.

No, I don't want too far for Christmas.

You're coming across as a bit...

speedo-like.

Let me take the beard off.

It's me!

Oh!

It's Dan.

Dan, you had me going.

I'm not the real Father Christmas.

The real Father Christmas is currently hard at work.

Getting everything ready.

I'm glad you said at work when you said that.

Hard at Mrs.

Claus' box.

He's currently hard at the elves.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Thank you for coming along this Christmas white journey with us.

Jesus Christ.

White Christmas journey.

It's a white Christmas journey with Dan and Gav.

Jump on the little train.

Here we go.

It's a little festive train we're on.

You know, we love our Christmas episodes.

So this is another one.

This is our eleventh Christmas episode, I believe.

This means it's the start of our eleventh year of podcasting, because our first ever episode was a Christmas episode 11 years ago.

So not only do we both love Christmas, but we also get to sort of mark another year of podcasting together.

So indeed we do.

Here we are.

I hope you're all well.

Hope you're all having a happy holidays, Merry Christmases and all the things in between and getting in the spirit.

I'm certainly in the spirit.

Gav's in kind of in the spirit, but I'm making up for it.

Gav doesn't have a tree yet, but I've got two trees in my house.

So it's making up for my lack of a tree.

Might I add Christmas trees in my house?

I haven't just had like a terrible tornado blow trees in through my windows.

No, I've got two Christmas trees.

No, I'm not as festive as I used to be a lot more festive.

If you go back listers to some older episodes, where me and Dan are drunk around a fire during the podcast, which is the odd episode early on ones.

It was a bit more festive then, but it's not so much now.

I am wearing a Christmas wutan jumper, if that helps.

And I'm wearing a Christmas tree jumper with a big star on the top.

It's very pretty.

It is, thank you very much.

Yes, we hope you're all well.

We hope you're getting into the festive spirits and watching lots of Christmas films and Christmas horror films and listening to Christmas songs.

And it comes in so many different ways.

Also festive spirits.

You could be alcohol, ghosts, or just cheer.

You know, festive spirit.

Free spirits at Christmas.

Or you could have a white Christmas if you wanted to as well.

You know, if that floats your boat, fantastic.

You could have a green Christmas if you want to have a bit of a Bob Marley Christmas.

You can do it anywhere you want, really.

If you just want to eat some mince pies like me.

Well, I was just saying that there's three different versions of spirits at Christmas.

Oh, sorry.

I was just going for one on drugs.

The rainbow of drugs, which you could have at Christmas.

Dan's a very sensible parent nowadays.

I imagine Christmas day on mushrooms, that would be interesting.

I guess.

I don't know.

I've never done mushrooms.

So I don't know.

Well, we've already started, everybody.

We hope you're well.

Well, let's get into what we've been up to, what we're doing, what this episode is about.

It's our Christmas episode.

So of course, our two main reviews are going to be festive themed.

We're going to be covering two relatively new ones, actually.

One of which is Violent Night from 2022.

Yep.

Starring David Arbort.

Known mainly on So Stranger Things.

Yeah, he's done a few bits and bobs.

He's in Marvel now as well, but Hellboy.

But yeah, you're right.

And that is kind of a bit of Die Hard meets Home Alone with a little bit of John Wick thrown in.

So if you like all that kind of stuff and you've not seen it, you might want to check it out.

But we will be getting into detail on it.

And we're also going to be covering an even newer one, 2023's There's Something In The Barn, which I discovered last year.

I'm interested in Gav's thoughts on it, because I really liked it, obviously, which is why we chose these two.

So that's what we're covering.

And along the way, we'll be throwing in some Christmas cracker jokes, eating some mince pies and candy canes.

We won't be drinking any eggnog.

And nobody's going to say the blessing, the blessing.

Great film.

We covered that last year.

Lampoons.

I did watch, I'd missed you about it, Turbulence.

You did, yeah.

Well, you talked about it on the last episode.

Did I?

Yeah, yeah.

That's how rubbish I am.

But that's set at Christmas Eve.

So that's why I thought I'd bring it up again.

It just popped into my head then.

Yeah, I did watch a Bond movie the other night, at Piers Brosnan.

I watched GoldenEye the other night.

I've been lucky enough to not have a lot of work on, and the work I can do, I can have films on in the background.

So I counted.

I have, this is going to come across as a bit mental.

I've watched over 50 Christmas films so far this December, because I've just had them on in the background while I've been doing this, that and the other.

But I thought I'd just quickly mention a few, the ones that are more horror related or more in our umbrella.

So obviously, I've watched The Die Hards, one and two.

You know, you've got to watch those.

Very excited that Alice has said to me, can she watch Die Hard with me?

Because she's never seen it.

So I said, yeah, we'll watch that in a few days.

Actually, I got a feeling Sarah hadn't when I first got with her.

Possibly.

Great.

Obviously, I watched Dark Angel again with Dolph Lundgren, because after reviewing it with you, I don't really remember it, to be honest.

Yeah.

Well, I watched that.

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up of a movie to avoid.

The Mean One, which is basically like these Winnie the Pooh Bambi horror films that are coming out.

This one is about the Grinch.

And if the Grinch was actually a killer killing people and I gave it two out of ten, it was appalling.

I did watch a movie.

No, I didn't.

I watched half a movie because I just didn't enjoy it and stop watching.

It's called Nutcracker.

It's a new Ben Stiller film.

I've heard it's awful.

It's not fun.

It's really weird.

And I guess it was directed by David Gordon Green.

It's his first thing directing coming off of Halloween films and coming off Exorcist.

It was the last thing he directed.

Because the name came up, I was like, oh no.

And I was like, oh no, this is like come back to, you know, meet a bit of popular films, not normal genre comedy.

And not fun.

Not likable.

So I was like, oh no, it's a new Ben Stiller movie, comedy at Christmas.

Great.

And I was cooking a roast dinner and I had it on the iPad.

And it's the sort of thing I would quite often put a chuck on something like that while I'm cooking.

It's quite nice to just keep watching it go back and forth.

It just really wasn't enjoyable.

I don't, just wasn't fun.

Yeah.

I don't know what tone it was supposed to be.

It's a bit more just kind of like, are you trying to pull my heartstrings?

Or is it just like you're making them unlikeable?

I don't know.

These days, the only, like lately, the only good Christmas films I've, new films that have come out that are new are Christmas horror films for me.

You know, it takes a lot for a new Christmas film to really grab me.

I think Daddy's Home 2 is one of the last newer ones that I quite liked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was good.

I watched Better Watch Out, which is an annual watch now.

We saw that at Fright Fest in the summer.

I watched the classics, you know, Silent Night, Deadly Night.

I probably still got a candy cane somewhere they gave us.

I threw that away in the end.

I probably have.

One film I wanted to mention, Christmas related, then we'll move on to a few other bits and bobs, that I think we should probably cover one year because I forgot how good it was is Christmas Evil, which is also sometimes known as Better Watch Out from 1980.

Christmas Evil.

We did New Year's Evil, didn't we?

I thought we did Christmas Evil.

We did New Year's Evil.

Oh, that's where I'm getting that from then.

Yeah, but we have the Christmas Evil is the one where it's got a really weird ending, where you don't know if he's turned into Santa Claus, if he's died, if he's hallucinating.

It's really cool and really weird.

Is that English?

No, it's American, 1980.

Christmas morning, he sees as a kid, he sees his mum banging Santa.

And then when he grows up, he just goes on a killing spree.

Because his mum bangs Santa?

Yeah, he glues a beard to his face.

But what if his mum's single and horny?

And as far as Christmas comes, I've got a donation, and she's like, oh, I quite like bigger, hairier men.

I mean, can I have a donation?

And she's like, I'll give you a donation, get in here.

Jesus Christ.

But she's she is a lonely lady, and she needs pleasure as much as anyone else does.

Little Tommy has his little trucks to play with.

She doesn't.

She wants Santa's truck.

She wants Santa's truck to play with.

Well, I was excited because this month, this December, we also got a Friday the 13th thrown in.

Did you manage to watch a Jason?

No, no, no.

To be honest, I haven't been able to watch much movies, really.

I've been busy doing stuff.

Well, it did make me, though, want and yearn for a Friday the 13th set of Christmas.

Yeah.

Oh, that would be good.

Just have it set at Christmas and that would be really cool.

Funny you say that.

Yeah.

Because I watched Jason X was my Jason of choice for this.

The lake would be frozen over.

And apparently Jason X was originally going to be set at Christmas slash in the snow.

They were really trying to push, push, push for that.

And the studio said, no, we need to do something very different from the usual, you know, camp crystal lake, which is why it's all set in space.

But yeah, originally that was going to be set in the snow in the ice.

But there are those, don't never hike alone, and never hike alone in the snow.

If you've ever seen those fan films on YouTube, they're really good Jason movies.

I know of them, I'm not sure if I've seen them.

They're really, really good.

But yeah, that was just a day away from Christmas for me for that one to watch Jason next.

And then I also watched a brand new film.

I think brand new.

So I listened to sort of little metallic sounds that you get every once in a while, like springs and things.

It seems to be my setup now.

It's not like I'm like RoboCop and I move.

RoboCop, RoboCop, I was going to call you RoboCop.

Rob, an Irish cop, RoboCop.

RoboCop.

I'm RoboCop.

Gav's got a prosthetic leg.

That's what is really happening now.

Lots of springs in it.

Yeah, I, today, I watched Scream 6.

A new Scream movie.

Now, you know, you think, well, bloody hell, they've made six of them now.

Because the first one obviously is a classic.

The second one, in hindsight, probably isn't, but it's got that nostalgia because it only came out a year after the first one.

And that's probably the problem is they saw money, so they rushed a sequel through.

Three and four, I don't really have much.

I like four.

Three's got some more right bits here and there.

I like the Lance Henriksen, the producer, and the actual making of the stab.

I think that's quite a fun idea.

Yeah, is that four, is it?